The Referral Request Message Kit

Hi [Name], We met at the [Event] last spring — you spoke about your team's move to remote onboarding, and it stuck with me. I saw that [Company] is hiring a [Job Title], and I'd love to apply. Would you be open to referring me, or pointing me to the right person? No pressure at all if it's not a fit. I've attached my resume either way. Thanks, [Your Name]

Use this when you barely know the person. The first line does the heavy lifting: remind them exactly where you met, so they don't have to guess. Keep the ask small and give them an easy exit — "no pressure" and "or point me to the right person" both let them help without committing. Never open with "I hope you're doing well" and three paragraphs of background.

Hey [Name], Hope the new place is treating you well! Quick one: [Company] just posted a [Job Title] role on the payments team, and it looks like a great match for the work we did on the checkout project. Would you be willing to refer me? Happy to send anything that makes it easier — resume, a short blurb, whatever your system needs. And if you'd rather not, honestly no hard feelings. [Your Name]

With someone who already knows your work, skip the resume speech and name the shared project instead — that's the part they'll actually vouch for. Referrals cost the referrer time and a little reputation, so "no hard feelings" isn't just polite, it's true. Send it on whatever channel you normally use with them. A message that reads like an email in a chat window feels stiff and slows the reply down.

Thanks so much, [Name] — that's a big help. Here's everything in one place so you can copy and paste: the job link, my resume, and two lines you're welcome to use. "I worked with [Your Name] for two years. She rebuilt our checkout flow and cut failed payments by a third. She's careful, fast, and easy to work with." Change anything that doesn't sound like you.

This third message is the one most people skip, and it's the one that decides whether the referral actually gets submitted. Your contact is busy; every minute you save them raises the odds. Write the two lines yourself, keep them honest, and include one number if you have one. Inviting them to change whatever sounds wrong means you never put words in their mouth.

One last habit: close the loop. Tell your contact when you get the interview, and tell them when you don't. It takes ten seconds and it's why people refer the same person twice. If the answer to your first message is silence, wait a week, follow up once, then let it go. Asking for a referral is a small favor, and small favors should never feel like a debt.