日常办公中级14:04procrastination

Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator

拖延大师的内心世界

博主 Tim Urban 用爆笑的漫画和亲身经历,拆解拖延症患者脑子里到底在上演什么:掌舵的『即时满足猴』、总在最后一刻惊醒的『恐慌怪兽』,还有那个令人愧疚的『黑暗游乐场』。他更点破了一个扎心真相——没有截止日期的长期拖延,才是让人抱憾终生的元凶。幽默中见深刻,适合学习地道又生动的表达。

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台词(79 句)

00:12

So in college, I was a government major, which means I had to write a lot of papers.

上大学时,我主修政治学,这意味着我得写一大堆论文。

00:19

Now, when a normal student writes a paper, they might spread the work out a little like this. So, you know -- (Laughter) you get started maybe a little slowly, but you get enough done in the first week that, with some heavier days later on,

一般学生写论文,大概会像这样把任务分摊开来。你懂的——(笑声)开头也许慢一点,但第一周就做得差不多了,后面再稍微赶几天,

00:32

everything gets done, things stay civil. (Laughter) And I would want to do that like that. That would be the plan.

一切都能搞定,过程也波澜不惊。(笑声)我本来也想这么干,计划就是这样的。

00:39

I would have it all ready to go, but then, actually, the paper would come along, and then I would kind of do this.

我把一切都准备就绪,可真到了要写论文的时候,我实际上会变成这样。

00:46

(Laughter) And that would happen every single paper. But then came my 90-page senior thesis, a paper you're supposed to spend a year on.

(笑声)而且每一篇论文都是这个下场。可后来我碰上了 90 页的毕业论文,那是一篇本该花上整整一年来写的大部头。

00:57

And I knew for a paper like that, my normal work flow was not an option. It was way too big a project. So I planned things out, and I decided I kind of had to go something like this.

我很清楚,对这样一篇论文,我平时那套做法根本行不通。工程实在太浩大了。于是我做了规划,决定大概得这样来。

01:07

This is how the year would go. So I'd start off light, and I'd bump it up in the middle months, and then at the end, I would kick it up into high gear just like a little staircase.

这一年会这么安排:开头轻松点,中间几个月加把劲,到最后再火力全开——就像一级级往上走的小台阶。

01:17

How hard could it be to walk up the stairs? No big deal, right? But then, the funniest thing happened.

爬个台阶能有多难?小菜一碟,对吧?可接下来,最好笑的事情发生了。

01:24

Those first few months? They came and went, and I couldn't quite do stuff. So we had an awesome new revised plan.

开头那几个月?来了又走了,我却没怎么动笔。于是我们弄了个超棒的修订版新计划。

01:31

(Laughter) And then -- (Laughter) But then those middle months actually went by, and I didn't really write words, and so we were here.

(笑声)然后呢——(笑声)可中间那几个月也实实在在地过去了,我压根没写出几个字,于是我们就到了这个地步。

01:43

And then two months turned into one month, which turned into two weeks. And one day I woke up with three days until the deadline, still not having written a word, and so I did the only thing I could: I wrote 90 pages over 72 hours,

接着两个月变成了一个月,一个月又变成了两周。终于有一天我醒来,离截止只剩三天,却还一个字没写,于是我做了唯一能做的事:在 72 小时里写完了 90 页,

02:00

pulling not one but two all-nighters -- humans are not supposed to pull two all-nighters -- sprinted across campus, dove in slow motion, and got it in just at the deadline.

不是熬了一个通宵,而是两个——人类根本就不该连熬两个通宵——然后飞奔着穿过校园,慢镜头似地一个鱼跃,总算在截止那一刻把论文交了上去。

02:11

I thought that was the end of everything. But a week later I get a call, and it's the school. And they say, "Is this Tim Urban?"

我以为一切就到此为止了。可一周后我接到一个电话,是学校打来的。他们问:『你是蒂姆·厄本吗?』

02:19

And I say, "Yeah." And they say, "We need to talk about your thesis." And I say, "OK." And they say, "It's the best one we've ever seen."

我说:『是我。』他们说:『我们得聊聊你的毕业论文。』我说:『好。』他们说:『这是我们见过最棒的一篇。』

02:29

(Laughter) (Applause) That did not happen.

(笑声)(掌声)——这事儿其实并没有发生。

02:38

(Laughter) It was a very, very bad thesis. (Laughter) I just wanted to enjoy that one moment when all of you thought, "This guy is amazing!"

(笑声)那是一篇非常非常糟糕的论文。(笑声)我只是想享受一下你们都觉得『这家伙真了不起!』的那一瞬间。

02:51

(Laughter) No, no, it was very, very bad. Anyway, today I'm a writer-blogger guy.

(笑声)不、不,它真的非常非常糟。总之,如今我是个写博客的写手。

02:58

I write the blog Wait But Why. And a couple of years ago, I decided to write about procrastination. My behavior has always perplexed the non-procrastinators around me, and I wanted to explain to the non-procrastinators of the world what goes on in the heads of procrastinators,

我经营一个叫 Wait But Why 的博客。几年前,我决定写写拖延这件事。我的行为一直让身边那些不拖延的人百思不得其解,我想向全世界不拖延的人解释清楚,拖延症患者的脑子里到底在想些什么,

03:13

and why we are the way we are. Now, I had a hypothesis that the brains of procrastinators were actually different than the brains of other people.

以及我们为什么会是这副德性。我有个假设:拖延症患者的大脑其实和别人的大脑不一样。

03:21

And to test this, I found an MRI lab that actually let me scan both my brain and the brain of a proven non-procrastinator, so I could compare them.

为了验证这个假设,我找到一家核磁共振实验室,让我同时扫描了我自己的大脑,和一位公认从不拖延者的大脑,好拿来做对比。

03:30

I actually brought them here to show you today. I want you to take a look carefully to see if you can notice a difference. I know that if you're not a trained brain expert, it's not that obvious, but just take a look, OK?

今天我还真把它们带来给大家看看。请你们仔细瞧瞧,看能不能看出区别。我知道,如果你不是受过训练的大脑专家,区别不那么明显,但你就看一眼,好吗?

03:40

So here's the brain of a non-procrastinator. (Laughter) Now ...

这是一位不拖延者的大脑。(笑声)那么……

03:48

here's my brain. (Laughter) There is a difference.

这是我的大脑。(笑声)确实有区别。

03:57

Both brains have a Rational Decision-Maker in them, but the procrastinator's brain also has an Instant Gratification Monkey.

两个大脑里都住着一位『理性决策者』,但拖延症患者的大脑里还多了一只『即时满足猴』。

04:05

Now, what does this mean for the procrastinator? Well, it means everything's fine until this happens. [This is a perfect time to get some work done.] [Nope!]

这对拖延症患者意味着什么呢?意味着一切都好好的,直到这一幕出现。【现在是干活的绝佳时机。】【才不要!】

04:12

So the Rational Decision-Maker will make the rational decision to do something productive, but the Monkey doesn't like that plan, so he actually takes the wheel, and he says, "Actually, let's read the entire Wikipedia page of the Nancy Kerrigan/ Tonya Harding scandal,

于是理性决策者会做出理性的决定,去干点正经事,可猴子不喜欢这个计划,索性一把夺过方向盘,说:『不如咱们把南希·克里根与坦雅·哈丁丑闻的整个维基百科词条读一遍吧,

04:25

because I just remembered that that happened. (Laughter) Then -- (Laughter) Then we're going to go over to the fridge, to see if there's anything new in there since 10 minutes ago.

因为我刚想起来还有这么档子事。(笑声)然后呢——(笑声)然后咱们再去趟冰箱,看看这十分钟里头有没有冒出点新东西。

04:36

After that, we're going to go on a YouTube spiral that starts with videos of Richard Feynman talking about magnets and ends much, much later with us watching interviews with Justin Bieber's mom.

之后,咱们再在 YouTube 上一路越陷越深:从理查德·费曼讲磁铁的视频开始,过了好久好久,以看贾斯汀·比伯的妈妈受访收场。

04:47

(Laughter) "All of that's going to take a while, so we're not going to really have room on the schedule for any work today.

(笑声)『这些都得花上好一阵子,所以今天的日程里其实是挤不出时间干活了。

04:54

Sorry!" (Sigh) Now, what is going on here?

抱歉啦!』(叹气)那么,这到底是怎么回事?

05:03

The Instant Gratification Monkey does not seem like a guy you want behind the wheel. He lives entirely in the present moment. He has no memory of the past, no knowledge of the future, and he only cares about two things: easy and fun.

这只即时满足猴,看起来可不像你想让它来掌舵的家伙。它完完全全活在当下,没有过去的记忆,也不知未来为何物,它只在乎两件事:轻松和好玩。

05:16

Now, in the animal world, that works fine. If you're a dog and you spend your whole life doing nothing other than easy and fun things, you're a huge success!

在动物世界里,这一套没毛病。如果你是条狗,一辈子只干轻松又好玩的事,那你就是超级人生赢家!

05:25

(Laughter) And to the Monkey, humans are just another animal species.

(笑声)而在猴子眼里,人类不过是又一种动物罢了。

05:32

You have to keep well-slept, well-fed and propagating into the next generation, which in tribal times might have worked OK.

你只需睡好、吃饱、把基因传给下一代——这在部落时代或许还行得通。

05:38

But, if you haven't noticed, now we're not in tribal times. We're in an advanced civilization, and the Monkey does not know what that is.

但你要是没注意到的话:如今我们早已不在部落时代了。我们身处一个高度发达的文明,而猴子根本不知道那是个啥。

05:45

Which is why we have another guy in our brain, the Rational Decision-Maker, who gives us the ability to do things no other animal can do.

所以我们脑子里才有另一位角色——理性决策者,是他赋予我们做那些其他动物做不到之事的能力。

05:53

We can visualize the future. We can see the big picture. We can make long-term plans. And he wants to take all of that into account.

我们能想象未来,能看清大局,能制定长远计划。而他,想把这一切都考虑进去。

06:02

And he wants to just have us do whatever makes sense to be doing right now. Now, sometimes it makes sense to be doing things that are easy and fun, like when you're having dinner or going to bed or enjoying well-earned leisure time.

他只想让我们去做此刻最合情合理的事。有时候,做些轻松又好玩的事是合理的,比如吃晚饭、睡觉,或是享受当之无愧的闲暇时光。

06:14

That's why there's an overlap. Sometimes they agree. But other times, it makes much more sense to be doing things that are harder and less pleasant, for the sake of the big picture.

所以两者之间是有重叠的,有时候他俩意见一致。可另一些时候,为了顾全大局,去做些更难、更不那么愉快的事才更合理。

06:25

And that's when we have a conflict. And for the procrastinator, that conflict tends to end a certain way every time, leaving him spending a lot of time in this orange zone, an easy and fun place that's entirely out of the Makes Sense circle.

冲突就是这么来的。而对拖延症患者来说,这种冲突每次都以某种固定的方式收场,害得他大把时间耗在这片橙色区域里——一个既轻松又好玩、却完全落在『合情合理』圈子之外的地方。

06:39

I call it the Dark Playground. (Laughter) Now, the Dark Playground is a place that all of you procrastinators out there know very well.

我管它叫『黑暗游乐场』。(笑声)在座的各位拖延症患者,对这个黑暗游乐场肯定再熟悉不过了。

06:50

It's where leisure activities happen at times when leisure activities are not supposed to be happening. The fun you have in the Dark Playground isn't actually fun, because it's completely unearned, and the air is filled with guilt, dread, anxiety, self-hatred --

在这里,消遣活动偏偏发生在本不该消遣的时候。你在黑暗游乐场里得到的快乐其实并不快乐,因为它完全是不劳而获的,空气里弥漫着愧疚、恐惧、焦虑和自我厌恶——

07:04

all of those good procrastinator feelings. And the question is, in this situation, with the Monkey behind the wheel, how does the procrastinator ever get himself over here to this blue zone, a less pleasant place, but where really important things happen?

全是拖延症患者那些『美妙』的感受。问题是,在这种情形下,方向盘握在猴子手里,拖延症患者到底要怎样才能挪到这片蓝色区域来——一个不那么令人愉快、却真正能成事的地方?

07:17

Well, turns out the procrastinator has a guardian angel, someone who's always looking down on him and watching over him in his darkest moments -- someone called the Panic Monster.

原来啊,拖延症患者身边有位守护天使,时时俯视着他,在他最黑暗的时刻守护着他——这位名叫『恐慌怪兽』。

07:28

(Laughter) Now, the Panic Monster is dormant most of the time, but he suddenly wakes up anytime a deadline gets too close or there's danger of public embarrassment, a career disaster or some other scary consequence.

(笑声)恐慌怪兽大多数时候都在沉睡,可一旦截止日期逼得太近,或是有当众出丑、职业翻车之类的可怕后果隐隐逼近,它就会猛地惊醒。

07:47

And importantly, he's the only thing the Monkey is terrified of. Now, he became very relevant in my life pretty recently, because the people of TED reached out to me about six months ago and invited me to do a TED Talk.

更关键的是,它是猴子唯一害怕的东西。最近它就跟我的生活扯上了大关系,因为大约半年前,TED 的人找上门来,邀请我做一场 TED 演讲。

08:01

(Laughter) Now, of course, I said yes.

(笑声)我当然一口答应了。

08:08

It's always been a dream of mine to have done a TED Talk in the past. (Laughter) (Applause) But in the middle of all this excitement, the Rational Decision-Maker seemed to have something else on his mind.

『在过去做过一场 TED 演讲』一直是我的梦想。(笑声)(掌声)可就在这份兴奋劲儿当中,理性决策者似乎另有心事。

08:29

He was saying, "Are we clear on what we just accepted? Do we get what's going to be now happening one day in the future? We need to sit down and work on this right now."

他说:『我们清楚自己刚答应了什么吗?我们明白将来某一天会发生什么吗?我们得马上坐下来开工准备。』

08:37

And the Monkey said, "Totally agree, but let's just open Google Earth and zoom in to the bottom of India, like 200 feet above the ground, and scroll up for two and a half hours til we get to the top of the country,

而猴子说:『完全同意,不过咱们先打开谷歌地球,放大到印度最南端、离地大概 200 英尺的高度,然后一路往上滑两个半小时,直到滑到这个国家的最北端,

08:47

so we can get a better feel for India." (Laughter) So that's what we did that day.

这样咱们就能更好地感受一下印度了。』(笑声)于是那天我们就干了这个。

08:56

(Laughter) As six months turned into four and then two and then one, the people of TED decided to release the speakers.

(笑声)当半年变成四个月、又变成两个月、再变成一个月时,TED 决定公布演讲者名单。

09:07

And I opened up the website, and there was my face staring right back at me. And guess who woke up? (Laughter) So the Panic Monster starts losing his mind, and a few seconds later, the whole system's in mayhem.

我打开网站,我的脸正直勾勾地盯着我。你猜谁醒了?(笑声)于是恐慌怪兽开始抓狂,几秒钟后,整个系统乱成一团。

09:22

(Laughter) And the Monkey -- remember, he's terrified of the Panic Monster -- boom, he's up the tree!

(笑声)而猴子——别忘了,它可怕恐慌怪兽怕得要命——嗖的一下,蹿到树上去了!

09:31

And finally, finally, the Rational Decision-Maker can take the wheel and I can start working on the talk. Now, the Panic Monster explains all kinds of pretty insane procrastinator behavior, like how someone like me could spend two weeks unable to start the opening sentence of a paper,

于是终于、终于,理性决策者能接过方向盘,我也能开始准备这场演讲了。恐慌怪兽能解释拖延症患者种种近乎疯狂的行为,比如像我这样的人,怎么会花上两周都写不出一篇论文的开头第一句,

09:49

and then miraculously find the unbelievable work ethic to stay up all night and write eight pages. And this entire situation, with the three characters -- this is the procrastinator's system.

却又能奇迹般地爆发出惊人的敬业精神,熬个通宵写出八页来。眼下这整套情形,连同这三个角色——这就是拖延症患者的运作系统。

10:02

It's not pretty, but in the end, it works. This is what I decided to write about on the blog a couple of years ago.

它不算光彩,但到头来还真管用。这就是几年前我决定要写进博客的内容。

10:09

When I did, I was amazed by the response. Literally thousands of emails came in, from all different kinds of people from all over the world, doing all different kinds of things.

文章一发,读者的反响让我大吃一惊。真的收到了成千上万封邮件,来自世界各地、各行各业、形形色色的人。

10:19

These are people who were nurses, bankers, painters, engineers and lots and lots of PhD students. (Laughter) And they were all writing, saying the same thing: "I have this problem too."

有护士、银行家、画家、工程师,还有一大批一大批的博士生。(笑声)他们写来的信都说着同一句话:『我也有这个毛病。』

10:31

But what struck me was the contrast between the light tone of the post and the heaviness of these emails. These people were writing with intense frustration about what procrastination had done to their lives, about what this Monkey had done to them.

但最让我震动的,是文章那种轻快的调子与这些邮件的沉重之间的反差。这些人满怀深切的挫败,倾诉着拖延给他们生活带来的一切,倾诉着这只猴子把他们害成了什么样。

10:46

And I thought about this, and I said, well, if the procrastinator's system works, then what's going on?

我琢磨着这件事,心想:既然拖延症患者的系统还挺管用,那到底是哪里出了问题?

10:53

Why are all of these people in such a dark place? Well, it turns out that there's two kinds of procrastination. Everything I've talked about today, the examples I've given, they all have deadlines.

为什么这些人会陷入如此黑暗的境地?原来,拖延分两种。今天我讲的一切、我举的那些例子,全都有截止日期。

11:04

And when there's deadlines, the effects of procrastination are contained to the short term because the Panic Monster gets involved.

有截止日期时,拖延的影响被控制在短期之内,因为恐慌怪兽会及时介入。

11:10

But there's a second kind of procrastination that happens in situations when there is no deadline. So if you wanted a career where you're a self-starter -- something in the arts, something entrepreneurial -- there's no deadlines on those things at first, because nothing's happening,

但还有第二种拖延,发生在压根没有截止日期的情形里。假如你想从事一份得靠自我驱动的事业——比如搞艺术、搞创业——起初这些事根本没有截止日期,因为什么都还没发生,

11:23

not until you've gone out and done the hard work to get momentum, get things going. There's also all kinds of important things outside of your career that don't involve any deadlines, like seeing your family or exercising and taking care of your health,

非得等你走出去、下苦功、积攒起势头、把事情推动起来才行。此外,事业之外还有各种各样不涉及任何截止日期的要紧事,比如陪伴家人、锻炼身体、照顾健康,

11:35

working on your relationship or getting out of a relationship that isn't working. Now if the procrastinator's only mechanism of doing these hard things is the Panic Monster, that's a problem, because in all of these non-deadline situations, the Panic Monster doesn't show up.

经营一段感情,或是从一段无望的感情中抽身。如果拖延症患者做这些难事的唯一动力机制就是恐慌怪兽,那可就麻烦了,因为在所有这些没有截止日期的情形里,恐慌怪兽根本不会现身。

11:51

He has nothing to wake up for, so the effects of procrastination, they're not contained; they just extend outward forever. And it's this long-term kind of procrastination that's much less visible and much less talked about than the funnier, short-term deadline-based kind.

它没有什么可惊醒的理由,于是拖延的影响不再受控,只会一路无休止地蔓延开去。正是这种长期拖延,远不如那种更好笑、有截止日期的短期拖延那样显眼、那样常被谈及。

12:06

It's usually suffered quietly and privately. And it can be the source of a huge amount of long-term unhappiness, and regrets.

它通常只被默默地、私下里独自承受,却可能是大量长期的不快乐与悔恨的根源。

12:16

And I thought, that's why those people are emailing, and that's why they're in such a bad place. It's not that they're cramming for some project.

我这才明白,那些人写邮件给我正是因为这个,他们陷入如此糟糕的境地也正是因为这个。并不是他们在为某个项目临时抱佛脚。

12:24

It's that long-term procrastination has made them feel like a spectator, at times, in their own lives. The frustration is not that they couldn't achieve their dreams; it's that they weren't even able to start chasing them.

而是长期拖延让他们时常觉得,自己在自己的人生里成了一个旁观者。那份挫败,不在于他们没能实现梦想,而在于他们甚至连去追逐梦想都没能开始。

12:36

So I read these emails and I had a little bit of an epiphany -- that I don't think non-procrastinators exist.

读着这些邮件,我忽然有点顿悟——我觉得,压根就不存在所谓『不拖延的人』。

12:45

That's right -- I think all of you are procrastinators. Now, you might not all be a mess, like some of us, (Laughter) and some of you may have a healthy relationship with deadlines, but remember: the Monkey's sneakiest trick is when the deadlines aren't there.

没错——我认为你们所有人都是拖延症患者。你们或许不像我们某些人那样一团糟,(笑声)有些人跟截止日期的关系也许挺健康,但记住:猴子最阴险的伎俩,恰恰是在没有截止日期的时候使出来的。

13:03

Now, I want to show you one last thing. I call this a Life Calendar. That's one box for every week of a 90-year life.

最后,我想给大家看样东西。我管它叫『人生日历』。这上面每一个格子,代表 90 年人生里的一周。

13:13

That's not that many boxes, especially since we've already used a bunch of those. So I think we need to all take a long, hard look at that calendar.

格子其实并不算多,更何况我们已经用掉了一大把。所以我觉得,我们都该好好地、认认真真地端详一下这张日历。

13:24

We need to think about what we're really procrastinating on, because everyone is procrastinating on something in life.

我们得想一想,自己到底在拖延什么,因为每个人的人生里,都在拖延着某件事。

13:32

We need to stay aware of the Instant Gratification Monkey. That's a job for all of us.

我们得时刻警惕那只即时满足猴。这是我们每个人的功课。

13:40

And because there's not that many boxes on there, it's a job that should probably start today. Well, maybe not today, but ...

而正因为那上面的格子并不多,这份功课大概今天就该动手了。嗯,也许不是今天,不过……

13:48

(Laughter) You know. Sometime soon. Thank you.

(笑声)你懂的,就快了。谢谢大家。

13:54

(Applause)

(掌声)